I had a couple bad days last week. I want to blame PMS for the emotional roller coaster, but it feels like a cop out. I’m sure it played into it. I do get a little batshit crazy or insanely emotional over the couple days leading up to my period. Some months are easier than others because when I anticipate the PMS and the emotional roller coaster, I can control it.
But last week, I cried at a commercial that involved dogs and babies. I also cried so much while watching episode 8 from the new season of Westworld the week before. I mean, no spoilers, but if you know me enough, stories about (lost) love is my shit. I live for it. It was no surprise I enjoyed that episode. But I carried the emotions from watching that episode over to the new week and well… emotions and hormones plus dogs and babies?
Also some other things that I’ve kept bottled up inside resurfaced and I was overwhelmed with my own crazy thoughts. I feel lucky to have a friend who suggested going to Mount Nemo to clear my head and also do a Canadian summer activity at the same time.
After a short shift at the restaurant, I went home, slathered sunscreen on my skin, packed both of my Swell bottles, strapped on my good old Nikes and went off on a little adventure.
The hike was peaceful, and all I had to listen to were my own thoughts getting lost in the sound of woods. I was honestly expecting to cry again at some point, but I held it together. We did get lost about halfway through the hike because we followed a path that seemed like it hasn’t been used for a while.
As we got deeper into that little path, the grass got higher and the path got smaller. My fear of getting lost got more intense and I’m sure I had a little panic attack that I hid with my stupid jokes and laughter.
I kept thinking of the story of Little Red Riding Hood at this point. Do not stray from the path, darling. My paranoid self started panicking because I worried it will get dark before we found our way back. But I guess just trusting in your gut and sticking to the path was the only way to go. We had to commit and keep going.
Apart from getting lost, being able to sit by the cliff looking over the escarpment was the highlight of this whole trek. I wasn’t able to sit with my legs hanging right on the edge because I am still terrified of heights. However, I got as close as I could push myself without having my knees lock on me again.
As I sat there with the breeze on my face, I felt free. Even for a moment. All the worries and fears I had were lost in the woods. I remember thinking as I was sitting there, looking over the horizon…
I was fine. I will be fine. I am fine. I’ll survive.
The key is to keep going – or to just keep swimming.